How to Overcome the Fear of Being Called Selfish
“You’re so selfish!”
Hearing those words was one of my deepest fears as a people pleaser.
I mean, if I were to start prioritising myself and my own health and happiness, how could I remain humble, caring, and kind, and not be seen as a selfish b*tch?
This was a conversation I had with myself CONSTANTLY when I decided I wanted to (and most importantly, needed to) start putting myself and my health first.
Last week I was looking into the very meaning of ‘selfish’…
Definition of ‘selfish’ (adjective):
Concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself: seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or wellbeing without regard for others.
The clear words here are ✨“without regard for others”.✨ I don’t know about you, but when starting to put boundaries in place as a people pleaser, other people’s regard is a BIG part of what we think about.
Somehow, and somewhere in time, we (as a society) have distorted this definition. It’s as if the word ‘selfish’ is used as a label to almost guilt us into prioritising others over ourselves. So we try to avoid the label at all costs and in turn, also avoid the guilt.
It’s why we put up with poor behaviour to avoid rocking the boat, stay in that soul destroying job, and stretch ourselves to the limits. Because when we get labeled as “selfish”, it feels like a direct attack on our worth, value, and even how loveable we are.
So how do you overcome this fear?
Firstly, ask yourself what “selfish” means to you. What is your definition of ‘selfish’?
Write it down. Question it. Is this story serving you or hindering you?
How do you want to rewrite this story/meaning so that it DOES serve you? Eg. My meaning of selfish is…Putting my oxygen mask on first so that I can show up as the best version of me in order to help others.
The real truth is. we can't really help others or truly care for them if we don't care for ourselves.
The moment I changed my definition of ‘selfish’ and reminded myself every day, was when I found it easier to start putting myself first.
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